


It's okay, I'm here

by orphan_account



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Bullied Dan Howell, Dan Howell Has Panic Attacks, Dan Howell and Phil Lester Are Teenagers, Fluff, Getting Together, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Relationship Discussions, Sexuality Crisis, Slow Burn, a lot of discussion about sexuality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-22
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:41:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26580814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Dan is the bullied freak.Phil is the new and more social boy.The two somehow gain crushes on each other and quickly become friends. That there's something more, well, that stays a secret. For a while at least, because they would never ever be able to become anything more.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Kudos: 2





	1. Chapter 1

"Also, you see that curly headed bloke over there? Sitting by the lockers with his phone?" 

Phil nods.

"Yeah, he's a freak. Don't get too close there, mate. I have to get going home, nice to meet you!"

Mitch, the boy that has been guiding Phil around the school finishes off before leaving. Great, he's all alone in a school where he knows literally nobody. He turns around to walk over to his locker. Just as he starts walking, the boy Mitch introduced as "the freak" comes walking from the opposite direction.

They bump into each other and the others eyes flash up, meeting Phil's. They're anxious, more afraid than Phil's ever seen _anyone's_ eyes be before.

"Shit, sorry." The boy mumbles.

He picks up a paper he dropped.

"No, it's alright." Phil smiles.

The boy just shakes his head before rushing off, out into the cold Reading air. Phil gets his jacket before walking outside. "The freak" who he desperately needs a name on, is sitting on a bench. He's covered his face with his hands and is curled up into a ball, knees tightly pressed against his stomach. Phil carefully walks over to him.

"Hey, I mean it. You didn't do anything."

"Trust me, you'll get it soon enough." He mumbles, voice muffled against his hands.

Phil frowns at him, sitting down on the bench. He's definitely a little careful to get too close, the other boy seems.. Just really anxious about the whole situation as it is.

"What do you mean?"

He shakes his head with a sigh.

"Long story. Not that important."

"Okay." Phil responds.

It's not that he actually believes in it. Because really, he doesn't. He just can see that the boy would never tell him about it. His whole body just tells him not to ask any more questions.

"I should go home anyway."

Phil just nods, before reacting to the fact that he's wearing a t-shirt. No jacket, no hoodie to keep him warm. His stomach sinks slightly and he stumbles slightly with his words at first.

"Hey, where do you live?"

The boy turns around. He gives Phil a confused look at first before opening his mouth and closing it again. 

"Britannia road. Why?"

"I live really nearby. Want a lift? Looks cold with just a t-shirt."

Their eyes meet for a second. The other boy's brown eyes looks hesitant before he just slowly nods. It's quiet for another couple of seconds.

"I guess. If you're not bothered."

"Come on then." Phil smiles.

He waves at the other to follow, walking over the road to where his car is stood.

"Also, what's your name?" Phil asks.

"Uh, Dan." He looks over at the boy. _Dan._ It really fits, for some reason. "I mean, if you're a teacher then it'd probably be just Daniel. But I hope you aren't because if you are I really shouldn't be in your car right now."

"No, you shouldn't." Phil laughs. "It's a good thing I'm not a teacher then. 'M name's Phil by the way."

Dan just nods from where he's sat.

The rest of the five minute drive is in complete silence. Phil can't stop smiling. Somehow, he's managed to find someone that he finds funny. From the one long sentence he's heard him say. It helps a bit that he's cute as hell. He chokes on air when the thought flies across him.

Does he have a crush? On Dan? No, he definitely doesn't. Sure, Dan is good looking. But he doesn't have a crush. That's just.. Not it. He glances over at Dan who is looking out of the window and blood rushes to his cheeks. Actually, he might have a crush on Dan.

And for now, that's definitely doing him no good at all. In fact, it probably never will. He doesn't really care about it, that heartbreak can come when it does. He's never cared about his crushes before so there's not really a reason for him to do so now.

Even if Dan, for sure, is more good looking than his past crushes. He tries shaking the thought off, but when Dan gets out of the car and says goodbye with a dimpled smile he can't help but wonder what it would be like to get to be his boyfriend. Even if it's never going to happen, the thought alone gives him butterflies. Add on a smile that he keeps for the last minute home to the list that he's apparently started in his head.

"Hi love!" His mum calls from the kitchen when he walks in.

"Hi!" He shouts back.

He walks up to the kitchen with the knowledge that she'll definitely ask him about school. It's probably better if he just answers now while he's in a good mood than if he does it in two hours when that's gone.

"How was school?" She, very well asks with a smile on her lips.

"Pretty good." Phil shrugs.

"Got any friends yet?"

He would roll his eyes, but then. Dan kind of happened. But can he really count Dan as a _friend_ when they've had literally one conversation? Probably not.

"Nah, not really. I'm not like Mar, you should know that by now." He giggles.

Kath laughs back and waves at him that he's allowed to leave. That's exactly what he does. He falls down onto his bed with a sigh and picks his phone up. Multiple texts from both PJ and Chris. PJ's seem a little funnier so he saves them for last, starting to go through Chris'.

**Chris: how was school ??**

**Chris: also, any cute lads? ;)**

**Phil: Pretty good. Saw a cute guy but he's probably just another of my regular crushes lol.**

While waiting for Chris to answer, which usually takes a while, Phil answers to PJ's text.

**PJ: hey**

**PJ: hope you dissed me for some good school**

**PJ: and a cute bloke or smth**

**Phil: Lol you got me there ;)**

He puts his phone away when PJ doesn't answer immediately like he usually does. Instead, he picks up his colouring book from the nightstand and starts painting in the pictures. There's something up today. For some reason, everything seems to be soft and have brown eyes. Just like Dan.

Why does everything seem to go back to Dan?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I'm gonna try to update this at least once a week :)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know that this is really short, but i need it to be for the next chapter to reach it's full potential (okay that sounds really cheesy, but you get what i mean)
> 
> also, i'm really tired of having this in my drafts lol so it's going up instead
> 
> enjoy!!

_Phil's pov_

Dan doesn't come to school the next day.

Or the day after.

So when he finally does today it's almost like a weight lifts off of Phil's shoulders. Dan is sitting in the corner of the room almost completely hidden away in his oversized black hoodie. In front of him on the table lies a sketch book. With a smile on his lips Phil walks over to the table.

"Hi. Can I sit here?" He asks.

Dan nods without a single word. Phil glances down on the paper his hand is carefully gliding on. It's like his heart sinks when he sees the drawing. It's a colourful prideflag with black smoke all around it, colours slightly smudged out with the black.

He decides to not think too much of it as the teacher walks into the classroom. Dan sighs and slides the sketch book away. He looks up at Phil. His eyes are red from crying, they're watery and what is definetely the worst is there are large dark bags under them. Phil can't tell if he should ask about it or not, but he must give it away. Dan shakes his head slightly and Phil takes that as a signal for him not to ask.

\- - -

_Dan's POV_

Does Phil notice that something is really off or does he just have a thing for staring at people? Dan shakes his head, both for Phil to understand that he doesn't want to talk but also at himself to stop thinking. Phil seems ot notice and looks away, biting his lip. It's kind of hot and - _fuck._ Did that just go through his head? He can't think Phil is hot, he's straight as a damn ruler. 

Panic rises in his body and his breathing gets more and more uncontrollable until he can't do anything. He closes his eyes, desperately needing the feeling gone. He feels a tear slide down his cheek but doesn't care about it. He's used to it by now.

When he's somewhat calm he opens his eyes again. Nobody's looking his way, not even Phil. Just like he wants life to be. Getting attention might be one of the worst things in life. He dries the tear away with the back of his hand and looks back over at the whiteboard. He almost jumps when he feels a hand on his thigh. Phil leans a bit closer to him, making him tense up.

" _You okay?"_ Phil asks in a whisper.

Dan just nods and swallows. Phil sends him a tiny smile before going back to making notes. He isn't okay, not really. Just really doesn't want to talk about it.

\- - -

_Phil's POV_

"Dan!" he calls.

He's walking a couple of metres in front of Phil. Just like this morning, the hood on his hoodie is covering his face. Phil can see that Dan notices him calling out for him as he does a half-jump. He doesn't turn around, doesn't say anything. Just continues walking.

Phil lets out a sigh and jogs up to walk next to him. He's silent for a while, glancing over at Dan. His shoulders are hunched and he's staring straight into the ground. The sleeves on his hoodie is pulled over his hands.

"Hey." Phil says softly.

Dan doesn't say anything. He looks up to Phil and sends him a quick smile before turning his head away.

"Did something happen?"

At the mention, Dan immediately shakes his head and his steps get quicker. There's an urge inside Phil to take Dan's hand, making him stop. But he doesn't. Instead, he tries to keep up. He almost manages to, but not completely.

"Dan, it's alright if you don't want to talk about it. Just, tell me if you want to."

He thinks that he can see Dan nod from where he's walking and slows down. Pressuring Dan into talking isn't right, he knows that. If he desperately needs someone to talk to, Phil can just hope and pray that he'll manage to talk about it. 

\- - -

The next day passes. Phil still doesn't get a word out of Dan.

He doesn't the next day either.

When Friday arrives, it's starting to get frustrating. Yet he can't be angry at Dan. It's like he's built up some immunity against it. Which, yes, is pretty weird. Usually he doesn't have a single bit of patience with _anything_. Dan just somehow had managed to storm into his life and change that.

And honestly, he can live with it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading!


End file.
